Book Excerpts

OH BABY-Birth, Babies & Motherhood Uncensored

In any gathering of women there is a camaraderie that exists among those who have experienced childbirth. It"s like a secret handshake or an ultraviolet mark that only they know distinguishes them as veterans of the same war -

A pregnant woman such as yourself is a probationary member of this sorority....

And after this forty-week (more or less) probationary period will come the magic time when you will become a charter member, when you will have passed the ultimate hazing ritual: DELIVERY ... This sorority of women is full of all sorts of self-congratulation, because only another mother knows what each of us has gone through to qualify for membership. Like veterans of war, we show our battle scars like medals: Caesarean sections, stretch marks, our inability to sneeze without wetting our pants ... Secretly we know, we are Earth"s real heroes.

Vicki Iovine, "The Girlfriends" Guide To Pregnancy"

www.nicholsonphotography.co.nz

The couples I saw around me were in good marriages. But the new parents were brittle - The women were wiped out from baby care and whatever other work they were doing.

They looked at the conflicting expectations of motherhood and the workplace, of their feminism and their marriages, and thought: Nothing I do is enough.

The men, too, were tired " they worked all day and came home to have a baby thrust at them. They looked at their father"s lives and saw that expectations upon their own lives had doubled, and thought: Nothing I do is enough-

My life as a mother had become just what I feared. My delight in our child was absolute. At the same time, I experienced a tightening of the world"s circumference; I was chained to the couch, nursing; I was stunned with fatigue; I was a vast primate of flesh " none of the weight gained in pregnancy had "melted away".

Naomi Wolf, "Misconceptions"

We are an untraditional and revolutionary style of mother today " something this planet has seen little of before. Prior to starting families we may have been a respected, successful, travelled, accomplished, proven, prosperous, autonomous, intrinsically individual woman " expert in being self-assured, self-confident, self-contained, self-controlled, self-determined, self-disciplined and self-sufficient, with self-respect, self-worth and high self-esteem. We may also have been too self-absorbed and self-centred, suffering from self-blame, self-destructiveness, self-importance and self-consciousness. Who made us so damned important to ourselves?

Kathy Fray, "Oh Baby"

Granted, information is empowering - Regretfully, many parents today are victims of information overload - Worse still, their own common sense has been drowned out by other people"s ideas.

Tracy Hogg, "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer"

To work, or not to work: that is the question - but if you psychoanalysed the "answer", its personality would be described as a deranged, confused, bewildered lost soul. There is no right or wrong response, only what is best for you.

Yet, hasn"t society done an astoundingly stupendous job of telling women what they need to do to be a perfect mother? Collectively, it"s an insulting slap in the face.

We"re not stupid, you know-

So now modern, educated mothers of the new millennium are left with the always perplexing, enigmatic, problematic and virtually unsolvable conundrum, of whether to choose the guilt of working, or the guilt of not working. And if finances dictate there is no option but to work, then there"s the guilt of not having the choice of your first-preferred guilt. It"s so absurd, that it"s sadly comical.

Kathy Fray, "Oh Baby"

Self-sacrifice and self-denial seem integral to motherhood because a child"s demands and needs are limitless - But there is no such thing as a "good" mother, only a good-enough mother - it is increasingly hard for women to feel as if they are "good" mothers, when paradoxically they have probably never done a better job.

Kate Figes, "Life After Birth"

www.nicholsonphotography.co.nz

Today"s women are repeatedly informed that they cannot possibly find complete personal fulfilment just from motherhood " they also need a personal exercise routine (preferably with a personal trainer of course); they need a personal skin beautifying regime, a personally uplifting sex life, personal time-out for meditation, a wardrobe full of personal favourites, a regularly visited personal hairdresser, oh, and don"t forget an articulate and interesting personality " what a load of codswallop-.

These days, if you admit to feeling complete fulfilment through motherhood, you"re damned. At the same time, if you admit you can"t find complete fulfilment through motherhood, you"re also damned. It"s a lose-lose situation.

Kathy Fray, "Oh Baby"

When we talk to God, we"re praying. When God talks to us, we"re schizophrenic.

Lily Tomlin, Actress

I think that I will spend about half my life feeling like I am not myself. If you count the week or so every month before my period, when I am less than efficient, then throw in pregnancy, nursing and recovery, and top it off with that whole perimenopause and menopause part, it really adds up. My question is " if I am not myself for so much of my life, who am I really?

Tracy W Gaudet, "Consciously Female"

Some women say it is possible to "have it all". That is, happy, well-adjusted, well-achieving children; a loving, devoted husband; a fulfilling, rewarding career; a clean and tidy, beautiful home; a well-exercised and toned body; the security of financial independence; an exciting social life; a stimulating sex life; and a radiant, porcelain complexion.

Maybe that is eventually achievable " but it sure doesn"t usually happen in the first year of motherhood. And it would be rare for a mother to accomplish all that while feeling completely guilt free and truly personally fulfilled. Realise it can be just an enigmatic charade, and while you"re so fixated on achieving, you can be missing out on enjoying today. (And by the way, getting to "have it all" actually translates as "having to do it all".)

Kathy Fray, "Oh Baby"

Every day I start out as Mary Poppins, but end up as Cruella De Vil.

"Mum"s The Word" Stage Show

I"m turning into my mother! My rebellion, tattoos and body-piercing have been for nothing!

"Mum"s The Word" Stage Show

There is a collective force rising up on the earth today, an energy of the reborn feminine - She remembers our function on earth - This is a time of a monumental shift, from the male dominance of human consciousness back to a balanced relationship between masculine and feminine. The Goddess archetype doesn"t replace God; she merely keeps him company. She expresses his feminine face.

Marianne Williamson, "A Woman"s Worth"

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Joker Unknown

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street, with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they"re sexy!

Joker Unknown

RRP$39.95 in all leading book shops and many baby product shops

- and available here online.